Buffet sex with Marika Smith: Explore desire, anger, and self-love - Part 2/3

In the second part of our interview with Marika Smith, we delve into questions about desire, self-love, and intimacy. Marika shares practical tips to strengthen the connection to our own body, manage everyday stress, and rediscover desire – all on our own terms. How can menopause become a catalyst not only for change but also for deeper intimacy? Join us as Marika shows how we can transform frustration into strength, set clear boundaries, and create a more pleasurable life. Did you miss the first part? Feel free to read it to gain a deeper understanding of the basics of Buffet Sex and Marika's empowering view on sex, pleasure, and desire!

Haven't read part 1? Start here! 
Did you miss the first part of our inspiring interview with Marika Smith about Buffet Sex and how you can explore desire and intimacy on your own terms? Read part 1 here. 

DESIRE AND INTIMACY DURING MENOPAUSE

How do you view desire and intimacy during menopause?
"Women are an enormously broad group, but what I see is that their desire is often not prioritized – neither in how they have sex nor how they talk about sex," explains Marika. "When talking about arousal, it is often based on how men get aroused, and when something sexual is shown, it is almost always from a male perspective. This has improved in many ways, but those of us who are adults today have grown up with the message that sex is for men. There is a very strong underlying idea that we women exchange sex for love."

"So when we get tired of pleasing others, maybe because we have reached an age when we no longer care as much about what others think, desire can unfortunately sometimes disappear 'with the bathwater.' That's a shame, of course, but it doesn't have to be that way. Many who come to me with desire problems are actually angry. They feel that the desire offered to them doesn't suit them, and then they think 'then I don't care about it.' This is especially common during menopause, because you no longer get the 'free ride' from hormones that you had earlier in life."

Marika points out that this can actually be something positive. "No longer having that hormonal help can be a powerful metaphor for us no longer having to put up with just anything. We have reached so many higher levels at this age. We don't accept the same salary as when we were 20, we buy better wines – and we want better sex! The problem is that many haven't understood that better sex is actually available. Instead, they think they have lost desire, but that's not really what has happened. Desire is dormant, because what is offered simply no longer suits us. Menopause can become a time to redefine what we want and need, both in our sex life and in life in general."

Marika also adds: "Then it's also okay to have a crappy time with sex! Having a bad period is just as normal as having a good period. Sexuality is a rollercoaster that takes up different space during different phases and periods in life. During the early childhood years, it is often a low-intensity period and then maybe it comes back again and it also depends on how you invite it in. If you then feel 'How nice not to want sex – now I can finally ignore it!', well, then do it – that's perfectly fine! It can also be nice to maybe for the first time in your life say no, that 'you know what – I just say no!' because that is also a way to tell yourself that I am taking control over this – but you don't have to stay in a no. You can say something like 'no, now I won't put up with this anymore, I can't do the Friday night domestic sex anymore, it just doesn't work!' And then when you have landed in that, maybe you feel that yes, I might consider masturbating or fantasizing a little… Then you can reinvent desire on your own terms, but sometimes you might just need to say stop. But it doesn't have to be a decision for life and you are not betraying yourself if you start longing for sex or closeness again. You can also invent other ways to be close than intercourse. There are many women who have the idea that they have intercourse and then get to cuddle, but what if intercourse is not needed and you can go straight to cuddling? Or if the whole sex can be for you! Because it can actually be like that. Choose yourself what you want to do."

WHEN ANGER BECOMES AN OBSTACLE – HOW CAN IT BE TRANSFORMED INTO A POSITIVE FORCE?

You can get a little angry when talking about this, but how can that anger be managed so it doesn't get in the way of expressing your needs?
"It's important to remember that your male partner does not personify this whole attitude towards sex," explains Marika. "He just happens to be there, and he is just as stuck in our shared 'script' as you are. It's not that men ask women to act in a certain way, but we have all together learned how sex 'should' go, and so we follow it. It's about social norms and invisible rules that we unconsciously adapt to."

Marika points out that men also feel the pressure.
"Men face enormous pressure to perform, especially as they get older and it becomes harder to get an erection and have energy. Many worry about not getting an erection as easily or losing some of their masculinity. We're actually in the same boat. The difference is that men often find it harder to change, partly because their status and pride may be at stake. That's why trying something new becomes extra scary. But that's exactly why it's so important that you as a couple make this change together."

She emphasizes the importance of channeling anger in a constructive way.
"This frustration can easily turn into bitterness that only leads to shutting down – and when you do that, the desire often goes with it. But anger can also become a powerful driving force if directed correctly. I call it 'warm anger' – the feeling of deciding not to accept how things are anymore: "I'm not going to put up with this anymore. Now things have to get better!" It's not about pointing fingers at your partner and saying he has to get better, but about you together taking responsibility to let go of old patterns and create something new."

Marika believes this can have positive effects in more areas of life.
"Starting to say no to what you no longer accept can create ripples. Maybe you realize that you don't want to work the way you do today, or that you need to set boundaries with your family. This anger can, if handled correctly, become a force that changes your whole life. But it requires that you support each other and work towards the same goal. It is also important that you don't become alone with your frustration. Talk to your partner and your friends – but do it in a way that doesn't just become a complaint wall."

"In conclusion, Marika reminds that anger does not have to be negative."
"Properly managed, it can become a powerful tool for change and development. It's about transforming the feeling from something that paralyzes to something that drives you forward."

"HOW TO KEEP DESIRE AND INTIMACY IN A STRESSFUL EVERYDAY LIFE"

How can women handle stress and everyday obligations without losing desire and intimacy?
"It's easy to get stuck in all the everyday musts, but often it is actually possible to reprioritize and cut back on things," says Marika. "When I coach women, we usually look together at what takes up time and energy. Many discover that there is room to reprioritize, maybe by scrolling less on the phone or pausing an activity that no longer feels meaningful. It's about creating space for what makes you feel good – and that includes desire."

"She points out that desire is not just about sex, but about feeling joy and curiosity in life."
"Sometimes you need to prioritize time for your own desire. Not all time needs to go to children, work, or the relationship with a partner. It can be as simple as taking a warm bath and feeling that you own your body and get to enjoy it. Many believe that if they feel desire, it must immediately be shared with the partner – but that is a myth. Your desire is your own and you don't have to give it away just because your partner wants sex. It's okay to nurture your desire on your own."

"Marika emphasizes the importance of reflecting on your own values."
"Think about what is really important to you. If you value a sustainable relationship that lasts a lifetime, then you need to actively set aside time and energy to nurture desire. If you want to be a good role model for your children, it can also mean prioritizing yourself – showing that your own pleasure and health are valuable."

"She admits that it can feel tough in the beginning."
"If you start from zero, it may require energy you might not think you have, like finding a masturbation routine or understanding what buffet sex means. But it's a small investment that pays off. You need to put a little gas in the tank to get desire going, but once it starts, it gives back in the form of rest, energy, joy, and inspiration. It becomes a profitable deal, even if it doesn't feel like it the first few months. Therefore, you need to have some patience and trust in the process."

"Marika concludes by reminding that desire is something that needs to have space in everyday life."
"Sometimes it's about prioritizing the relationship over everyday life – but sometimes you also have to prioritize yourself over the relationship. Both parts are equally important for desire to bloom and remain alive."

PLEASURE AND SELF-LOVE – HOW TO DEVELOP A POSITIVE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR BODY

How can women strengthen their self-love and develop a positive relationship with their body?
"It's difficult to give a general answer because we all have different relationships with our bodies," says Marika. "Some may hate their body but at the same time love that it has carried and given birth to children. Others may be proud that they can run Tjejmilen without problems, but still have negative thoughts about their appearance. We all carry different experiences and feelings, but something that everyone benefits from is practicing feeling the body from the inside."

She explains that it is about changing perspective – to stop focusing on how the body looks or is perceived by others and instead feel how it actually feels.
"We easily get stuck in thoughts like 'Am I taking up too much space?' or 'Do I smell bad?' But when such thoughts arise, it is important to actively turn your gaze inward. For example, if you are lying on your back and think 'Oh, my breasts are sagging to the side', stop and ask yourself: How do my breasts feel right now? Feel, instead of judging."

Marika emphasizes that this is something you need to practice.
"It gets easier the more you practice. At first, you may need to remind yourself to shift the perspective from the outside to the inside. Instead of thinking about how your labia look – feel how they feel. When a critical thought arises, whether about the body or your genitals, go inward and ask: How does this area feel right now? If it feels good, then that's good!"

She concludes by emphasizing that this is the foundation for becoming friends with your body.
"There is much more to say about self-love and the body, but listening inward and letting go of how you think you should be – that is the first and most important step."

LUBRICANT IS A PLEASURE ENHANCER FOR ALL WOMEN

Regardless of age or life stage, all women can benefit from the advantages of a high-quality lubricant. VagiVital Active Glide is designed to meet these needs, with its moisturizing and gentle formula that is ideal even for the most sensitive. Its hydrating properties based on the proven AktivGel technology ensure that every intimate moment is both pleasant and enjoyable. 

If you are looking for a way to enhance your sexual pleasure while taking care of your intimate health, VagiVital lubricant is the perfect choice 💕 Buy VagiVital Active Glide here 

MARIKA SMITH'S 5 BEST TIPS FOR NURTURING AND AWAKENING DESIRE
Next week Marika Smith reveals her 5 best tips for nurturing and awakening desire. Don't miss the final part of our interview series 💕

DO YOU WANT TO GET IN TOUCH WITH MARIKA?

🍑At Sexinspiration.se you can read more about courses and personal coaching
🍑 Follow the account Sexinspiration on Instagram
🍑 Listen to the podcast Sex for real

SUPER OFFER: BUY THE BOOK BUFFÉSEX OR A CARD DECK AND GET A FREE ONLINE COURSE! 

When you order "Buffésex - the new way to have sex that changes EVERYTHING" or "Sex in a box – three games that change EVERYTHING" you get the online course "The world's best sex - 10 lessons in desire" at no extra cost. Perfect to spice things up! Enter the code VAGIVITAL in the message field when you order. 

👉 Order the book Sexinspiration here and start your lustful journey 💕
👉 Order the card deck "Sex in a box – three games that change EVERYTHING here and explore new dimensions of intimacy!

TAKE ADVANTAGE: 20% DISCOUNT ON MARIKA'S ONLINE COURSES 

Until June 1st you automatically get 20% off all of Marika's inspiring online courses. Applies to unlimited number of courses!
Click here 👉 https://boon.tv/sexinspiration?promo=vagivital to take advantage of the offer. No codes needed, the discount is applied directly at purchase. 🙌

Take care of yourself & Stay Pussytive 💕

/Fanny Falkman Grinndal
Business Manager Nordics
Peptonic Medical AB
fanny.falkman-grinndal@peptonicmedical.se