Buffet sex with Marika Smith: A new way to look at pleasure – part 1

"Marika Smith has spent over twenty years broadening the view of sexual pleasure. In her groundbreaking book 'Buffésex – the new way of having sex that changes EVERYTHING' she redefines what sex can mean and offers a perspective that goes beyond traditional intercourse. In this interview, Marika openly shares her wisdom about sex, desire, and pleasure, providing unique insights that both challenge and inspire. Her engaging discussions in workshops and the popular podcast 'Sex på riktigt' highlight the importance of discovering and enjoying on your own terms. Join a deep conversation that not only reveals the core of her philosophy but also gives practical advice to improve our relationships and personal lives. Prepare to see sex in a whole new way and discover why Marika's work is a valuable source of inspiration ❤️"

"FROM SEX TOY SALES TO SEXUAL INSPIRATION"

"What drove you to become a 'sex inspirer'?"
"I've worked as a sex inspirer for 22 years now, I invented that profession because I wanted to work with inspiring, positive conversations about sex since I saw a great need and demand for it when I started as a sex toy salesperson once upon a time. I visited girls' dinners, a bit like Tupperware but for dildos. It was big in the 00s!" laughs Marika.

"I quickly got good at it and sold a lot, not because I'm a star salesperson but because the women were so excited to talk about and learn more about sex and pleasure. I'm good at helping people relax about the subject and it became a nice community in the group. So quite soon I dropped the toys and started finding ways to just work with the conversations instead. And since then I've done it in many different formats, it has really become my thing. Today I mainly work as a coach for private individuals – both couples and singles – and help them sort out blockages around sex that are not directly medical problems, and focus on finding pleasure, desire, and connection."

"BUFFET SEX – A NEW VIEW ON SEXUAL PLEASURE" 

"Can you explain the idea behind 'Buffet Sex'?"
"In 2017, reports showed that there are three male orgasms for every female orgasm in heterosexual relationships. This phenomenon was named the orgasm gap, and it raised questions: Are men lazy and selfish? Do women have a harder time orgasming? Or is it about something completely different?" Marika explains. "I am completely convinced that it is neither about laziness nor difficulties, but about our sex life being governed by an unconscious script – an idea also supported by science. It is called the sexual script, and the theory is based on us adapting our sex life according to how we have been taught sex 'should' go."

"We carry with us a kind of invisible script from all sorts of sources – media, friends, school education, movies, porn, and even the church. And it doesn't matter if it's porn or the church, the message is often the same: that intercourse in heterosexual relationships is the 'real' sex, while everything else is just seen as foreplay or something extra dirty on the side. Intercourse is at the center, and therefore we follow that script almost automatically throughout life."

"Regardless of sexual orientation, we are affected by this script. And it is precisely this that creates the orgasm gap, since women generally do not orgasm from intercourse in the same way as men. Men therefore orgasm more often because we put a lot of focus on penetration, and that creates an imbalance. To even this out, we need to broaden our view of what sex is. We must stop calling it 'foreplay' and start seeing all sex as real sex – oral sex, petting, and so on."

"I started holding oral sex courses where we practiced on fruit, which became very talked about," laughs Marika. "Just to show that this is sex in itself – it's not just a 'warm-up' for something else. And it became very popular! Many participated and realized how limiting the script around sex can be."

"I usually talk about what I call the three-course fuck," she continues. "The classic setup with foreplay, intercourse, and afterglow. But we don't have to follow that order. You can mix and choose, just like at a buffet. It's about making sex something more flexible and pleasurable."

"After working with so many clients and seeing how this mindset helped them, I realized more people needed to experience it. That's why I created an online course, a podcast, and finally the book Buffet Sex. The book helps the reader rethink sex and provides practical exercises to break free from the traditional script. For those who prefer to listen, the book is also available as an audiobook, and I have also developed a box with three card decks that help put the ideas directly into practice."

"The point of Buffet Sex is that everyone should feel they have the right to choose for themselves how their sex life should look. It's about breaking sex down into smaller parts and combining them as you want – without feeling bound to old patterns. Everyone understands this idea when I talk about it, but it can be difficult to explain to your partner why you want it, and how you want to do things in new ways practically. That's why the book and the card deck exist as tools to open up the conversation and start exploring together."

LEARN TO LISTEN TO THE BODY'S SIGNALS

How can women become better at understanding their own desires and setting boundaries?
"It's basically about becoming more present in your own body. Many talk about this, but it's really something you can't ignore," says Marika. "We live in a society that constantly rewards intellectual achievements. We rely heavily on our brain's capacity, but often forget that the body also has important signals to give us – signals about what we need, what we want, and what feels good."

She believes it is impossible to think your way to what you want and don't want. The answer is in the body."You have to listen to how it feels when something is pleasant or unpleasant. If you don't know what it feels like to like a simple thing like putting on a particular favorite sweater, how will you then know what feels good in a sexual situation?"

To help women reconnect with their bodies, Marika recommends something she calls a "pleasure diet.""I ask almost every woman who comes to me to stop at least ten times a day and ask themselves: What does my body want right now? Do I need to pee? Then I go and pee. Are my feet cold? Then I get socks right away. When I wake up in the morning and am about to eat breakfast – do I eat the same thing out of habit, or would I actually prefer something else, maybe caviar instead of the cheese sandwich?"

The important thing is to listen to the body's signals, even if you can't always satisfy them."You might not have caviar at home, but admitting to yourself that you want it makes a big difference. Every time you listen to your body and act accordingly, you build a sense of security in the body. Then the body dares to send forward its wishes even in other situations."

Marika points out that this also applies in intimate situations. "The more you practice listening to your body in everyday life, the easier it becomes to check in during your sex life. Am I in the mood for sex? Do I want to date this person? That's what we call intuition – listening inward to the signals the body sends."

With a laugh, Marika adds: "I usually ask the pussy, and you don't have to do that, but it is actually very clear once you've practiced! It can quickly answer: No, I don't want to live with my mother-in-law for two weeks this summer," she laughs. "And then that feeling takes precedence over the desire to be a nice and pleasant daughter-in-law. But you can just as well ask the stomach or the heart. The point is to start listening inward."

LUBRICANT – A PATH TO INCREASED PLEASURE

What do you think about lubricant and the role it can play in women's pleasure? 
"Unfortunately, lubricant still has a negative connotation for many. It is often perceived as something artificial and unnatural, as an aid to make the woman wet before she is really ready for penetration. There is a rather sad, sex-negative view of lubricant," says Marika. "If someone uses lubricant in a film, it is often portrayed as if the person actually doesn't want to have sex. This image of lubricant reflects how society at large views sex."

But Marika wants to challenge that view. "I strongly assert that lubricant is not an aid – it is a sex toy! Whether you are a 'dry' or not. It's not about solving a problem, but about enhancing pleasure and making touch more enjoyable. You can easily test this on other parts of the body. Applying oil to the skin makes the fingers glide more easily, and suddenly the touch feels more detailed and intense."

She emphasizes that lubricants should not be seen as something you only use when the body "acts up." "There shouldn't have to be a reason to use lubricant. It's for everyone, in all types of sex. If it is also a caring lubricant that moisturizes and protects the mucous membranes, that's just an extra bonus. But the foundation is pleasure. Lubricant is a natural part of a pleasurable sex life."

EXPERIENCE VAGIVITAL ACTIVE GLIDE: A MOISTURIZING LUBRICANT DESIGNED FOR WOMEN

VagiVital Active Glide offers more than just lubrication; it is a lubricant based on the scientific AktivGel formula. This formula is renowned for its ability to treat dry mucous membranes and has been developed at Swedish university hospitals. Its unique composition gives Active Glide its moisturizing properties, making it ideal for women who value both comfort and increased intimacy. This water-based and fragrance-free lubricant is designed to be gentle and support a healthy intimate environment, making every intimate moment both more comfortable and enjoyable. Keep elegant VagiVital Active Glide on your bedside table – a perfect combination of style and function.

👉 Buy VagiVital lubricant here.

HOW IS DESIRE AFFECTED DURING MENOPAUSE – AND HOW CAN YOU REDISCOVER PLEASURE?

In the next episode, Marika Smith explores how menopause can be a turning point to redefine both desire and intimacy. Discover how you can transform frustration into a power that creates a more personal and satisfying sex life. Marika shares insights on strengthening self-love, listening to your body's signals, and creating a more passionate and pleasurable life – on your own terms. Don't miss part 2 in a week, where you get concrete tips on how to strengthen your relationship with yourself and your body and get the tools to reclaim your desire and pleasure!

DO YOU WANT TO GET IN TOUCH WITH MARIKA?

🍑 On sexinspiration.se you can read more about courses and personal coaching
🍑 Follow the account @sexinspiration on Instagram 
🍑 Listen to the podcast Sex for Real here.

SPECIAL OFFER: BUY THE BOOK BUFFÉSEX OR A CARD DECK AND GET A FREE ONLINE COURSE!
When you order "Buffésex - the new way of having sex that changes EVERYTHING" or "Sex in a box – three games that change EVERYTHING" you get the online course "The world's best sex - 10 lessons in desire" at no extra cost. 
Perfect for spicing up life! Enter the code VAGIVITAL in the message field when you order. 
👉 Order the book here and start your passionate journey ❤️
👉 Order the card deck here “Sex in a box – three games that change EVERYTHING" and explore new dimensions of intimacy!

TA THE OPPORTUNITY: 20% DISCOUNT ON MARIKA'S ONLINE COURSES
Until June 1st, you automatically get 20% off all of Marika's inspiring online courses. Applies to unlimited number of courses! Click here to take advantage of the offer.  
No codes needed, the discount is applied directly at purchase. 🙌

Take care of yourself & Stay Pussytive ❤️

/Fanny Falkman Grinndal
Business Manager Nordics
Peptonic Medical AB
fanny.falkman-grinndal@peptonicmedical.se